Xenophobe's Guide to the Aussies

Appearances are deceptive Never make the error of underestimating the Aussies. They love to portray a casual disregard for everything around them, but no-one accidentally achieves a lifestyle as relaxed as theirs. Logic down under Aussies will twist any statistics to their own ends. One statistic doing the rounds was that 40% of drivers in accidents had been drinking. Since this left 60% of drivers who hadn't had a drop, but who still had accidents, it must obviously be safer to drink and drive. Let's talk strain. The Aussies are not subtle and neither is their language. They will say what they mean. The problem is that the words they use don't always mean what they say. For example: blue — someone who has red hair; you're right — you are absolutely super; it's a bit warm — it is probably 120F in the water bag (water bags are always hung in the shade); that'd be right — I don't believe it either. Out in the outback Nature is the biggest single influence on the Aussie attitude. And a very harsh and unforgiving influence it is. Reality, totally uncontrollable, is never far outside the suburban limits.